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Women are often raised to attract men with their Venus, via clothing and cosmetics, flirtation and femininity. But gender roles are in flux, and many females don’t want to be stuck on the receiving end of relationships, waiting for the man to make the first move.
However, a guy frequently want to be in the driver’s seat, and may be put off by a woman asking him out. (Since he can no longer hunt for boar, he needs a challenge!) But where does that leave the woman, who’s itching to let out her Mars? Does she wait until she’s already firmly ensconced in a relationship to express her assertiveness and competitive drive?
Traditionally, a woman’s Mars signifies the type of man to whom she is attracted. But if she simply lets a guy “own” her Mars, then she has abdicated this vital part of herself to another. She cannot be a whole person if she always lets her man fix the sink or argue with the phone company for overbilling … unless she also takes on some “masculine” traits.
At the other end of the Venus/Mars spectrum is being “one of the boys.” Hanging out, drinking beers, playing Xbox … yet not being recognized as feminine and wondering why she’s not getting dates. It seems like a delicate balancing act, being able to attract without being passive, being able to hang loose with the guys while still being seen as a woman.
The Swiss psychologist Carl Jung coined the termanimus possessed to refer to women who”live their lives according to the archetypal masculine principles of order, efficiency and perfection, as opposed to allowing themselves and their lives simply ‘to be’ as they are. These are the women who seek power rather than love–their intellectualized ambition keeping them ever-striving, with no energy left to be alive.” [fromDancing in the Shadows by Laura Bryannan]
However, there has been criticism of the inherent sexism of Jung’s characterization, which suggests that there is something pathological about a woman who strives for success and chooses logic over emotions. Surely, a woman can express her Mars without being judged?
Knowing when to play the Venus card or Mars card seems to be the key to relationship satisfaction. Sometimes it works to be the coquette, other times the tigress. Attract without letting someone overstep boundaries. Kick butt at the karate dojo yet do t’ai chi in the bedroom.
Unless your guy likes to be treated rough.
